Democracy is Terrifyingly Fragile, So Why Not Enjoy this “Bo Diddley Beat” Spotify I Made?
Donald Trump is not going to concede this election. We all saw this coming, but still, it’s going to be a long and painful couple of months. I, for one, am in desperate need of coping mechanisms that aren’t alcohol or drugs, so I made a playlist in Spotify of all pop songs containing the famous Bo Diddley Beat. (Or at least, all the ones I could find.)
A Brief Background on the Bo Diddley Beat
Hello human. Yes, it is I, the neighborhood cat, and I’m back for my daily squat-and-push in your kid’s sandbox. You caught me. Guilty as charged. But before you start swinging that broom at me, don’t you think you’re being a little hypocritical?
Look, I get it — you don’t want me taking a dump where your four-year-old plays every day. Makes sense. Sifting turds out of your toddler’s sandbox like a 19th century California gold panner isn’t exactly the highlight of your week, I’m sure. I know pitching loaves in random backyards is bound to ruffle some fur from…
[Cue infomercial muzak. Camera pans to me, sitting on an old recliner in my study. I’m icing my knee and filling an “I hate Mondays” coffee mug with vodka. I am surprised by the camera and quickly put the bottle of vodka down on the mohagany side table. Acting casual, I begin to speak.]
Injuries. We all get ’em. Some are big, some are small. In my 10 years of playing this physically demanding, high-impact sport, I’ve had more than a few myself. Heck, I’m dealing with this pesky fluid-on-the-knee thing as we speak. [Pats ice pack, chuckles.] …
You there, struggling middle-aged entrepreneur, so ambivalent about whether you actually possess the talent and resolve to achieve your dream career that you turn to self-improvement articles on platforms like Medium to learn how to fulfill your potential – I’m talking to YOU.
You like blogs with short, BOLDED PARAGRAPHS, DON’T YOU?
You like articles with generic stock photos of beautiful young white women as featured images. Blog posts with PUNCHY, GRABBY opening lines like the one above.
OF COURSE YOU DO, and I know this. So I post these condescending advice pieces of pure quackery…
I'll officially be hitting my 10-year derbyversary around late August, so here are 20 things I've learned over the past decade: